Perfection...

That would be how I would describe my day today...well, starting about two hours after I'd woken up since I didn't feel so great this morning. Nevertheless, the day progressively got better and peaked when I watched the sunset tonight atop North Mountain. So many reasons I love clouds, but on top of that list is definitely the beautiful sunsets they make possible. As I sat up top witnessing nature's beauty, I listened to Enya and found myself completely at peace. There are many times I attempt meditation but few are as successful as today. Anyone who knows me, or most women in general, knows our brains NEVER shut off. I was able to do just that and it was incredible. As I descended down the mountain, I was smiling like an idiot...but was met by many smiles in return. Its strange to me that I've finally gotten on a workout routine and now I'm seeing regulars on the mountain. It's a quiet comaraderie we all share, recognizing one another and smiling, but all of us in our own little worlds with technology beating into our ears, and minds a thousand miles away. Nevertheless, I've come to rely on those regulars to get me to the mountain the next day, knowing I'll get that nod of acknowledgement and smile and can merrily go along.

My peace was slightly interrupted as I was walking home because I saw tire marks that showed a car out of control having jumped the curb onto the sidewalk on which I walk. That made my heart skip a beat as I did not see those marks on the way to the mountain...and by the looks of the tire marks, the car would have taken out anyone walking at that time. Happy to know I was not a witness to the incident.

Anyway, I get home and am about to go out and rent "Phone Booth" because Keifer Sutherlands character is one I'm supposed to think about when rehearsing for one of my upcoming auditions. I turn on the tv to finish my dinner first and wouldn't you know it, it was just starting on cable. Is it a sign? I'm gonna go with YES! Have I mentioned I'm looking forward to channeling my darker side :)

Yep, it's been a good day!

A Little Apprehensive...

So, I have an audition set for next Saturday in LA again. As much as I normally LOVE the drive, I'm a little terrified this time around. This will be the first time I make the trip since my roll-over and I'm hoping not too many tires find themselves torn apart around me.

Nevertheless, very excited about this opportunity. Its a role I submitted myself for just yesterday. And could mean my getting SAG eligibility. Not to mention it's a great script with complex characters.

Wish me luck...for the drive as well as my audition! :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...I'm about to go feast on a fantastic meal!

Feelin much better...

Today's been a productive day. Cleaned and changed around my room. Submitted myself for about six auditions I found in backstage west. Had a fantastic glass of Pinot Noir. Went to work only to find that Rusty didn't need me tonight...so I finally get a night to myself. Was going to see a movie but decided instead to stop by a bookstore and come home to get under the covers and lost in a book. So now I find myself in pjs hours before I expected and I'm smiling gleefully. I'm content. Peaceful. Which after yesterday, I welcome with open arms.

Perhaps I'm thinking about the meal I'm about to enjoy tomorrow. Or that I finally get to meet a future brother-in-law. I love big family gatherings. There's also a part of me really looking forward to Friday. Maybe more than I should be. I can't help myself. Martina's big 3-0 and I'm finally hanging out with Jim. Yep, I'm smiling.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve everyone :)

Bad Mood! :(

Wish I knew why I am in such a foul mood today. Yes, it has something to do with not having had time for myself at all the last couple of days...but really, I should be ok with that because I'm so excited to have Martina here. Nevertheless, I'm not happy today and seem to be taking it out on everyone around me. If you're on the receiving end, I apologize. I'll lock myself in my room for a bit and hope to come out with a smile. Send me some jokes if you've got any good ones :) Much appreciated!

Mutual Purpose

Today marks the end of Path of Dialogue in my Friends and Family class I take from Red Mountain/Productive Learning and Leisure. It was a very beneficial class that will guide me in conversations for the rest of my life. For anyone who has a hard time communicating, I highly recommend the book "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High."

One thing I hadn't realized until today was the most important crucial conversation I was needing to have, the one with myself. The one where my ego of financial issues and my spirit of wanting to live in CA to pursue my acting career begin to coexist and I find a solution to satisfy both.

What my ego says: I'm afraid if I don't pay off my debts before moving, my move to CA will once again NOT be permanent. I don't want to fail. I don't want to have my family support me financially again. I'm afraid I won't have money to take classes, send out headshots, do the rounds and pursue my career because I'll be playing catch up with my bills.

What my Spirit says: I want to be in CA yesterday. I want to be seeking CA representation instead of new AZ representation. I want to land my first commercial or speaking role in a television show/film. I want to be surrounded by the industry that fascinates me ridiculously and which I love unconditionally. I once again want to be surrounded by people chasing their own dreams because they motivate me daily. I miss living in a town where on any given day I run into twenty people having one way or another to do with entertainment.

Mutual Purpose: I need to actively find a way to move to CA NOW and have a job that will support my pursuits as well as pay my bills on time.

The above is my dream...this is what I am working on. My assignment was to type it up and share it because then it becomes real and my mind begins to pick apart obstacles in order to find a path.

When talking it through with Phil, he wanted me to realize that the first time I moved back to Phoenix wasn't a failure for me. In fact, it was a triumph and success. I got my headshots done. I got my first agent. I've been auditioning all year. I take classes weekly. I'm more focused and I've grown as a person. All of the above was EXACTLY what I needed.

Now the time has come for my next adventure. And I'm going to figure out a way to get it under way. I thank all of you for your support ahead of time. I have a feeling I may be MIA figuring everything out as well as saving money. So if you want to hang out and do activities which aren't too costly...hiking, board games, video games, conversation over coffee (I'm open to suggestions)...I look forward to it. But for now, don't take offense when I decline invitations that will take me away from my ultimate goal...leaving AZ behind to live once again in what can only be described as the craziness of Los Angeles (and I say that lovingly and without judgement). In fact, it's the first place that to me felt like home. I look forward to going back home.

I'm off to hike and think up some strategies...beyond winning the lottery, that is!