I hope you dance...

The end of an email sent to me recently:

"learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at a time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world...
Start today. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. Stop waiting...
-until your car or home is paid off
-until you get a new car or home
-until your kids leave the house
-until you go back to school
-until you finish school
-until you clean the house
-until you clean off your desk
-until you lose 10 lbs.
-until you get married
-until you get a divorce
-until you have kids
-until you retire
-until summer
-until spring
-until winter
-until fall
-until you die...

There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like no one is watching.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

Weeks like this one are rare for me...but when they happen, nothing better than an email or a hug from a friend to remind me it will all pass. I thought it sent a beautiful message. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. (hah, now I'm just being cheesy...but I love that one!)

I Hope You Dance...Leeann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger May you never take one single breath for granted God forbid love ever leave you empty handed I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance Never settle for the path of least resistance Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter When you come close to selling out Reconsider Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always) I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who) I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...I hope you dance

There's a reason for the world You and I...

One of my favorite songs currently:

Five For Fighting: The Riddle

There was a man back in '95

Whose heart ran out of summers

But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life

Come on over, Come on over

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune

Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon

Let an angel swing and make you swoon

Then you will see...You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you

Find the Answer

There's a reason for the world

You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today

You can't live in a castle far away

Now talk to me, come talke to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small

In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all

Still every mother's child sings a lonely song

So play with me, come play with me

And hey Dad

Here's a riddle for you

Find the Answer

There's a reason for teh world

You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you

When you get right down to the

Reason for the world...

Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find

There have been mysteries from the beginning of time

There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said...You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies

As I look into my angel's eyes

A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me

Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small

If you think about it man you know we got it all

Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball

And I love you free

I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you

Find the Answer

There's a reason for the world

You and I...

Trust

What a funny little word. So hard to gain, so easy to lose. Why is that exactly? Quote I found today: "Trust is like a vase...once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again." The thought seems really sad. I mean, "never the same." Really?! And yet, a part of me believes it to be true. So, what if it's not the same, can it possibly be better. Is that even possible? What needs to happen to regain trust in someone? Wish I had the answer. It's a question I seem to ponder a lot these days. Is it time apart to realize what that person means to you in life, which in turn may lead to letting the smaller stuff go? What finally makes the little voices in your head stop and say, "you're being ridiculous. get over it! or it's gonna get ruined anyway." I guess the answer lies in the next quote I found: "The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be--and when they're not, we cry." Ok, so I had written a bit more on the subject at work but had an AHA moment on my drive home and decided to delete a lot. The thing is, I'm allowed to have the feelings that I have in the situation. They are there for a reason. Not something planned. Not something done on purpose. But the situation is what it is and my feelings are there. So, rather than dwell on why the questions won't stop, I'm gonna embrace my feelings and do what is best for me. Which is, allow myself to work through them and not feel guilty about any of it. My feelings are valid. I need to trust that. Hmm, I foresee a long night of writing ahead. I think the monster energy drink finally kicked in (really helpful, since I'm done at work already!)

I've been lucky...

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

I've had those. And for that I'm grateful.

A Good Cry...

What exactly defines a good cry? Is it the length of time one spends actually shedding tears? The idiotic face one makes and possibly stares at oneself in the mirror while making it just to witness the ridiculousness first hand? Is it the loud sobs, the uncontrollable gasping for breath, the puffy eyes the next morning? Or is it possibly based on the release one feels when one just lets everything go for that one moment (perhaps lasting a few hours) in hopes of feeling the most incredible sense of calm possible?

I don't know the answer. I just know that my body knows when I need a good cry and I've been feeling it bubbling up all week. I have that persistent lump in my throat threatening to erupt and have yet to feel the release.

The funny thing is, I have no idea why I'm so emotional. I've been thinking about my grandma a lot this past week and that may have something to do with it. There are days, even seven and a half years later, where I forget that she's no longer alive. To this day I remember our last phone conversation and still feel like it happened yesterday.

I feel my release may be imminent as my first tear just dropped with my last typed words. Perhaps I've just needed to get my thoughts down to let myself go to that place that always starts out very dark and at some mysterious moment turns almost cheerful.

Anyway, perhaps I'm more stressed than I'm letting on with the whole job situation. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm making the right decision as I cannot find the motivation to get up in the mornings to go to my hellish job anymore. But I fear everything I've worked to pay off in this last year may be kicking me in the butt again unless I find a job soon.

Let's see...I've also got mixed emotions about a dear friend in my life. Do I want more? Absolutely. Am I in love? No doubt in my mind. So why all the questions in my head all the time. Why can't my brain just shut off once in a while and let everything just take it's course. Maybe because I fear the course it may take is not the one I'm prepared for. When I've met someone absolutely perfect for me, how do I willingly let that go for now so that we both figure out and make sure the path we are on is right? When everything inside me is screaming go for it and yet one of my feet refuses to jump in again because I'm afraid of the pain, where does that leave me?

Time apart is a necessity. It'll let my brain do some real thinking as opposed to my heart doing all the talking. But I miss him already. And it's been less than a day. LOL, I'm laughing at myself...so if you feel the need to laugh at me as well, go ahead, I don't mind.

I feel like I've never been happier and things in my life couldn't be any better...and then there's also the feeling of being surrounded by nothing but chaos.

Gotta love life!

Happy Days Ahead

Ok, so I've made a decision today....instead of going to work, I called in with a headache. And this made me come to the conclusion that when I hate getting up in the mornings due to a hellish job, it is time to quit. I can either feign sickness forever, or give my two-week on Friday and feel relieved. Tough decision. Though I do not have a job lined up yet, no amount of money is worth the hell I seem to be living in 9-5 these days.

So yay, Friday is the day. Never breathed such a sigh of relief!

in life...

sometimes the hardest decision is when to give up and when to fight harder.

and why is it with some decisions that the heart completely betrays the brain. just wish life wasn't so confusing sometimes...

but I guess that would make it a lot less interesting to live.

every end brings a new beginning...

Ok, this past weekend has been a test. Who am I kidding, more like the past month...And unlike the test I so miserably failed three and some odd years ago, this time I can say I'm passing. "you learn and learn, with every goodbye you learn." Every day I learn what I'm made of...and let me tell you, it's some pretty tough stuff. Someone can take my heart out of my chest, stomp on it, and walk away...and I WILL pick up the pieces and when the puzzle gets put back together, the glue holding it is stronger than ever.

On an even more positive note, I have my first audition coming up this week. To say I am excited is a serious understatement. I always joke with my family and friends that my first paying gig will either be a tampon or genital herpes commercial....and the funny thing is, I'd be thrilled.

Yep, life leads me in a tangled, awkward mess...and I am loving every minute of it.