So there's been progress...

Moving forward from complete hatred to serious anger. I'd say it's a step in the right direction. There are not many moments I waste my time thinking about a certain individual anymore...but in the rare instances that nothing more interesting happens to be on my mind, I realize that I wish I just had a punching bag or dartboard around. Very few people in my life have made me as angry in any situation. Most people who know me can vouch for me when I say I'm not one quick to anger...and really, I just get over it. Life's too short and it goes on. But there's just something completely special about the situation that was my life for too long to just let go. I know it's unhealthy. No one needs to tell me. And I know karma exists and that makes me feel a bit better. But really, I'm just angry. And I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to want to scream every once in a while, whether it's into a pillow so as not to alarm too many people or at the top of a mountain to get all of my frustration out.

It amazes me that there are people in this world that believe the bullshit they put people through can somehow be fixed with a "sorry." What the f*ck?! How about you just not be a bastard and we'll get along. Though at the end of it all, I guess I'd rather be the idiot who believed than the bastard who made me believe. I'd rather be the person who got sh*t upon than be the person who has to live with the fact that he/she hurt someone so badly because he/she was too selfish and self-involved to be a better person.

I think I'm done ranting for a little bit. As I've mentioned, this isn't a regular thing and sometimes I just need to get stuff off of my mind. The day will come when this particular individual will be nothing more than someone from my past, whom I remember only when something else triggers a memory. I look forward to that day. The saddest part to me about it all...I absolutely loved his family. Yep, reminded me of my own, from the first moment I met them. That part still makes me sad...would have probably been easier had we not gotten along so well. Anyway, although I've learned a lot and have no regrets, I have anger. And someday that too will go away completely and this situation will be something I can laugh about. However, today is not that day. And I feel better now that I've gotten it off of my chest. Peaceful sleep is in my near future. G'night.