Darlene Turner...one amazing, beautiful and brave woman.

Yesterday was a sad day. The woman above, one I adored dearly and whom although I'd only met a few times I can call a sister, lost her battle with breast cancer. Never in my life have I met someone who lived with such joy, passion, and above all else...just LIVED! She was a diva biker-babe who wore high heels and her badass bandana until the very end. Never once did she complain about the cards she'd been dealt, she considered them a blessing in teaching her about life. She let people in, in a way difficult for anyone, especially someone with such a hard exterior who you come to know as a big teddy bear inside. I will miss her. I was blessed to have had her in my life and to witness someone give life their all. She did everything with a smile on her face, whether it was chemo, radiation...or the things that truly brought her joy - riding motorcyles, living life a little bit on the edge, making phallic cookies when one too many drinks were drunk, or cheering wildly as she stepped from the vehicle to greet her friends on what was to be her final take off in a plane, the one that brought her home to NY. I will treasure the moments I had with her and know that I'm forever changed and stronger because of this extraordinary woman. My only wish is that she'd made it to Italy with us all. She will definitely be there in spirit.

Dar, I love you. Though you will be greatly missed, I know you're in a better place watching over everyone you love.

I could get used to this :)

I've always said everything in life happens for a reason. And no matter the situation, good or bad, it always turns out to be true. I truly believe a year ago, we weren't ready for a relationship. I think we both had some more growing to do and some hurdles to overcome. Our timing was off the first time. We met too soon. But I think our bumpy past has made what we share now that much stronger and more incredible. I'm just happy we found our way back into one another's lives. This time the puzzle pieces fit. I'm loved in a way I've only thought possible in movies. Daily, I'm showered with affection that could never grow old. And the most amazing part...the look in his eyes that lets me know we're in this together.

There may have been a year wasted in our story, but it makes me cherish every minute we have now. Who knew when I wrote my list a few months back of the perfect (perfect for me anyhow) man coming into my life, that it would manifest in such an extraordinary way. It goes to show what you put out in the universe is exactly what you're going to get.

Happy...

Wow, I've had a hard time keeping in touch with people lately...even my closest friends. So I will try to update for those who read this. I'm ridiculously busy these days trying to get finances in order to move to LA by year's end. Thus, I have two jobs that keep me working at least 60 hrs a week, leaving little time for much else. To those I have neglected recently, I apologize.

Along with being busy, I'm happier than I've been in a while. And honestly, I'm happy in general so now I'm ridiculously happy ;) Still in shock, but deliriously happy. Joey has come back into my life. Though I never believed we'd ever be more than friends in life again, if even that, we've given a relationship another chance (or really, our first real chance) and it's going splendidly. Some people in my life are still skeptical...but even through their hesitation, I know they wish me nothing but happiness and support my decisions. And if you've been around me in the last couple weeks, you know that I can't stop myself from smiling. So I'd say, I couldn't have made a better decision than "yes." Have I mentioned I'm still in shock. Who knew?!

What else...booked a Casino AZ print job that shoots this week! Woohoo! Have had more auditions in the last couple weeks than the last few months combined. Another woohoo! Had a fantastic class with Molly this weekend and was happy to learn that I will be a welcome addition to her Master's class when I do make the move to LA...which was a thrill because you have to be invited. It's amazing to me how much my confidence has grown in the last year with regards to my career. I feel big things are ahead for me in that department.

My birthday's coming up...and my mom's 50th! Wow, that time of year again. Sometimes I start freaking out and then I stop to realize how lucky I am to be turning another year older. Especially with the last month and Darlene. I think of her daily. Since my grandma died in 1999, this is the closest I've come to cancer affecting my life again and it's scary. Times when I find that I want to cry, I realize life's too short and every moment needs to be celebrated. The tears may come still...but I've never met someone more inspiring and optimistic when given the news Darlene has heard in the last few weeks. For anyone who believes in prayer, please keep Darlene in your thoughts.

I have so much more to say because it's been so long since I've written...however, if I don't go to bed soon, I will regret the decision come 6am tomorrow...honestly, a part of me already does!

More updates to come.

Flap Your Wings...and let it go!

Ok, so I'm currently reading Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose." One section really gave me an AHA moment and I thought to share it on here as it may do the same for others. And honestly, the book is worth every penny so pick up a copy...but this is just a preview as to why.

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The Duck with a Human Mind:

"In The Power of Now, I mentioned my observation that after two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings, vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened.

If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story-making. This would probably be the duck's story: 'I don't believe what he just did. He came to within five inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already. But I'm not going to stand for this. I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.' And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later. As far as the body is concerned, the fight is still continuing, and the energy it generates in response to all those thoughts is emotion, which in turn generates more thinking. This becomes the emotional thinking of the ego. You can see how problematic the duck's life would become if it had a human mind. But this is how most humans live all the time. No situation or event is ever really finished. The mind and the mind-made "me and my story" keep it going.

We are a species that has lost its way. Everything natural, ever flower or tree, and every animal have important lessons to teach us if we would only stop, look, and listen. Our duck's lesson is this: Flap your wings--which translates as "let go of the story"--and return to the only place of power: the present moment."

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Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. If that didn't cause a few laughs and AHA moments, I don't know what will. I know this is something hard to remember when I'm in the midst of emotion such as anger in a fight. However, I think the more I remember and try to put into practice "flapping my wings," the easier it will become. Just in rereading it now, I can recall stories I've made up in my head that have kept certain arguments alive...no more. I will work to rid myself of the ridiculous need to hold on to "my story."

18-1

Hah, to any Patriots fans out there...at least it was a great game. Though I'm not a regular follower of football, tonight was probably the most exciting Super Bowl I've ever witnessed...and yes, I was rooting for the Giants. That had more to do with seeing a record of 18-1, and the 1 accounting for the worst possible game to lose...the Championship. Wow, what a game!

Anyway, enough about that...had an amazing weekend. Yep, gave Steve my number. Was having a fantastic conversation when I thought in my head, "this is the opportune moment!" So, I took a leap and happy to know that leap didn't have him avoid my tub the rest of the night! Quite the contrary. I guess I'll actually see when I hear from him how this crush turns out...but I'm excited to have taken the chance. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. And that definitely doesn't happen for me everyday. Usually the opposite effect occurs, me running in a different direction just to get away. For now, I'm fascinated, intrigued, and look forward to work just for a glimpse of this handsome man. Haha.

Another fantastic story...met a man this weekend who works on The Best Damn Sports Show who gave me his contact info so that he can get me into some spots to get my SAG card when I move to LA...and more importantly, his motive was not to get into my pants. I had a great time talking to people that were not the regular Scottsdale Devil's Martini crowd...I love getting to know new people and hearing their stories. Just wish I was better at keeping in touch with everyone dear to my heart.

Ok, I'm exhausted after a very long week...must go to bed. I'm still in disbelief that the Giants won...woohoo!!

Farmer's Market

Yay for cheap organic produce that tastes great. I LOVE Farmer's Markets. So I've decided it's gonna be a weekly trip for me. Not to mention I'm going raw for a little while to detox my system so gotta try to do it as cheaply as possible.

I found some great recipes for raw soups and I tried one yesterday...yummy. Although I want to make it again today because I was so in love with the taste, I'm gonna venture out and make another new one...we'll see how it turns out.

Life continues on this path of fabulous. Tonight I'm going to the Jordin Sparks concert in Glendale. The next few nights I'll be working hard for hopefully good money :) I'm more at peace than I've been in some time again, everything seems to be falling into place.

I have an important meeting a week from Saturday for new representation. I hope it goes well because I'm working my @ss off to get my career off the ground and feel that a new agent is my next necessary step. Wish me luck and send many happy thoughts around 10:15 next Saturday.

Also, I've decided to take another leap. Yep, gonna go along for the ride with my new crush...I was fighting it as I am planning to move and have a lot of other stuff going on...but you know, life's too short so may as well live it. Have I mentioned he's 6'5, hot, and has a fantastic personality (at least what I've gotten to know.) We'll see where this goes, if anywhere. But at least I'm not afraid to just let it happen rather than mapping out a plan. Things go great...yay for me. They don't, life goes on.

Hmm, update...mom is still doing great. Martina and Marcel have settled into their new apartment. Jana and John are moving in together in March. Jackson is as adorable as ever. And have I mentioned I'm blessed?!

My Commercial...

Just saw it on the air today :) Not bad for my first real job! If you're interested, think it's airing the rest of the weekend on channel 14 (not sure where else.) It's for Van's Chevrolet. Let the jobs keep on coming!!

Sad

No, I didn't know Heath Ledger...so it's a little ridiculous that I'm sad. I know this. But honestly, he was one of my favorite actors, he was incredibly talented, and definitely towards the top of my list of people I'd hoped to work with one day. I can't believe he's dead. Wow. A life definitely taken too soon.

Some Excitement...

First of all, I'd like to point out that I'm a freakin genius in the kitchen. Today I made some fantastic fries out of sweet potatoes and also baked some spaghetti squash with some basil, garlic, olive oil, and some other spices. It turned out amazing. Haha, that's just been a cherry on top of how today is going...

So I had to laugh this morning when I got a response to an email I sent yesterday. Basically, I saw on Craigslist some entries looking for some promotional models for the Superbowl. I thought, "why not?!" So, sent a reply to see if I could partake in the experience and make some extra cash. Now about the reply...before I write exactly what I got back, I gotta say that I appreciate the man's honesty. I mean, he very well could have told me to just come down for an audition and I guess I could have been surprised then about what was expected. Instead, he wrote me this email:

"This audition will require a casting couch audition. The events will all be A-list events, and could launch a career through the connections made. We are considering you for a big part of our campaign, and I want to make sure all of these things are ok with you. Email me soon, as decisions will be made soon."

To which I responded:

"That all depends on what you mean by "casting couch auditions." Am I willing to strut around in a bikini...yes. Am I willing to perform any job out of the typical description of what it means to model and act...no. Let me know if you are still interested and exactly what you meant by the comment. I look forward to the possibility."

So, I'm gonna take a big leap here and say I lost my opportunity. Wow! I know this shit happens and that there are plenty of people willing to sleep their way to the top...but WOW!

Oh, some other exciting news...I taped a commercial for Van Chevrolet last week that should air in the next couple of days. Depending on the response, I may become their spokesperson. If not, it was a great experience and something for the resume.

Acting wise, this year is turning out pretty phenomenal so far...and it's only January! Woohoo.

Ok, I believe that is all my news so far...I thought I'd share so everyone could get a small chuckle out of my experience.

Hmm...I also have a small crush...on a coworker...but that's a whole different story. Perhaps better saved for another entry.

40 tips for a phenomenal life...

The following was an email sent to me by a dear friend. I thought it was so brilliant that I had to share. Enjoy.

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a TiVo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to__________ today."

5. Live with the 3 Es - Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy, and the 3 Fs - Faith, Family, Friends.

6. Watch more G movies, play more games with friends and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11. Drink some green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, seafood, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, and your desk and let new energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn and pass all your tests. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

34. The best is yet to come.

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36. Do the right thing!

37. Call your family often.

38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: "I am thankful for __________." "Today I accomplished _________."

39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it and enjoy the ride.