Storms

After work today, Carol, Jana and I went walking on the canal. We walked from 40th Street to 16th Street and back...approximately 7.5 miles. I love the walk, wish I got the motivation to do it more often. There was a scary part where bees were flying around everywhere. I can't say with 100% certainty, but I think I'm fairly allergic to them because the last time I got stung, my foot was swollen for over a month. A nurse friend of mine told me the next time I get stung, i can go into cardiac arrest. Though I have yet to go to an allergist to see if that's true, I'd rather not find out the hard way. Because if I'm as allergic as it seems, I should have an epi-pen. When I have insurance again, this is a must do.

Anyway, not sure how I got on that tangent. The walk was beautiful. A little warm and humid, since 5pm is the hottest part of the day. Nevertheless, the heat was worth dealing with for the beauty that surrounded us. There is nothing I love more about AZ than the monsoon storms that roll through regularly. I must admit that I miss the ones in Tucson. Never before going to school at UofA was I completely fascinated and yet completely freaked by the sheer power of a thunderstorm. Granted, Tucson has no gutters so storms always made walking to campus interesting, tacking on about an hour for detours with the ridiculous flooding. Still, there's not a day I don't wish I could live there during monsoon season again just to experience mother nature at her best.

On our walk today, clouds were rolling in from every direction. Whenever I think about painting, which is really only a desire that strikes when I'm in nature, I wish I could actually draw and recreate the intense beauty of storm clouds...mind you, the only drawing I do is smiley faces because I stink...but I still dream of painting a storm rolling in. Clouds are menacing and yet bring with them rain, which to me has always signified a fresh start. There's nothing more peaceful that sitting at a coffee shop, writing in a journal, watching the rain. Rain reminds me that no matter how bad things get, the sun will always shine in the end...bringing with it a new light, a new perspective on any situation.

The one thing I don't enjoy is driving in the rain. Thankfully I was almost at Joey's before the storm began. A part of me just wants to go run outside in the rain. One other thing I've never done in the rain is kiss...there's something truly romantic about that. Not sure what it is...ok, that is all.

spring/summer cleanin

I very rarely get into moods to just clean out absolutely everything I have. Toss out things unused, box away crap that I seem to always believe will be useful in my future (though its also been sitting hidden for years on end), and feel replenished at the end of it all....hours upon hours later. I'm in such a mood now but it would require hours that I do not have before I want to go to sleep. Not to mention, I always want to clean but end up making a bigger mess in the process of reopening drawers unopened and going through a closet full of stuff unused all year round.

In the coming months, I plan to go through everything I own. And this time around, I will honestly get rid of everything I haven't touched in the last year. I want to move to LA with as little as possible and I don't want my mom to have to store the crap I seem to treasure...actually, I'm positive I get my hoarding from my mom, and thankfully I'm not even as bad as she is. It's amazing how much more organized and at peace I feel when everything in my life is "clean." My car is also on this list to tidy. I remember the days when my friends would give me rides and their cars always looked like they lived in them. I swore to myself i would never be "that" person...wouldn't you know it, I'm there. Thankfully I don't have food or anything that would stink it up, but seriously, it's a little ridiculous. I hate feeling like I need to apologize whenever I offer a ride to anyone.

So, one goal added to the list...get rid of a lot and clean. Somehow, everything in life seems to go a little smoother when I'm surrounded by cleanliness and order.

Oh, went to the courthouse today to get my speeding ticket (FUCK photo radar) from March extended one final time. I have two weeks to take class. I'm going to try the online course. It's supposed to take only 4 hours and definitely beats listening to some monotonous person talk about aggressive driving.

That is all for tonight.

I can't lose...

I probably wouldn't be writing right now if I didn't have a stake in writing daily. Joey and I are trying to find a way to encourage one another to write as often as possible. Given that this is something I actually have control over, I don't plan on losing. Especially since the stakes are so high. Slave for a day. Yep, gonna do my best to make sure I write every day.

So, what's been interesting...I went rock climbing at an indoor rock gym for the first time. I wasn't hooked right from the get go, but it did get more exciting with my second climb. Then I had challenges in front of me that I wanted to conquer and who doesn't enjoy a good challenge. So right now I am stuck on a 5.6. Its not great, but I really need to work on my grip strength in order to move forward. And the harness is NOT the most comfortable, nor the most flattering piece of equipment to have to wear. But in the end, it was more fun than I had expected and I am completely hooked. I have yet to try bouldering...perhaps next time.

Also, I went to see the Mummy movie tonight. Meh. I have to say I was disappointed. I love the first two. They were great fun and who doesn't love a good mummy movie. I missed Rachel Weisz. She brought something Maria Bello just doesn't have. The voice was all wrong. The innocence/naivety just wasn't there. The character was so adorable before...not to mention the chemistry between the original couple was more believable. Oh well, I'm glad I saw it. Though I have to say I hope this is the last...there is no need to continue. The plot, though it ran 2 hrs, seemed fast and incomplete. I recommend this be a rental, don't waste the arm it costs these days to go to the theater.

Lastly, I'm reading a great acting book interviewing casting directors. It's getting me really excited about the move. I've committed myself to reading/doing something for my career daily. Since the move is getting closer every day, I want to know that I'm as prepared as can be when I start the rounds in LA.

I'd say that's my paragraph for the night. Must shower from the rain storm and Joey's juicing so I must go drink the delicious green stuff. I can only hope that interesting stuff will come up daily so that my paragraphs are digestible...though honestly, I'm prepared to write complete crap to avoid a loss...and gain a slave :) Goodnight.

Choices...

So it's been a while since I've written an update for the few that read this. A lot has happened. Jana finally got her citizenship papers...though they were a month late for Italy, I'm just happy she's not considered illegal anymore :) Joey and I had our families meet and it went better than I could have even imagined...his mom thought we were already making a big announcement which was funny since we've only been dating four months now. Though I am very much looking forward to us moving to LA together...this whole driving 40 miles one way is hard. Sadie's getting better everyday. Her stones have decreased tremendously and as long as there are no complications with her passing them, she should be completely back to normal in six weeks time.

Anyway, what this post is mostly about is my recent class I started again with Jana for Friends & Family. This six months is about Choices and it could not have come at a more appropriate time. Its all about the choices we make, the how and the why and getting in the mindset of making good choices. There are so many things that stuck with me from the weekend. One is making choices out of faith and not fear. Favorite quote from the weekend..."if the grass is greener on the other side, get off your lazy ass and water your own lawn." The choice I've been putting off for three solid years now is my move back to LA. As much as I talk about it and get excited over it, the actual move scares the shit out of me. I suppose this has to do with the fact that it's me facing my fear of failing dead on. If I always have it out there, as a possibility, then I never have to face moving there and realizing that my career may not ever get to where I want it to go. i know its dumb, but its amazing how the mind can rationalize dumb thoughts. I know no matter what happens, I'm meant to find a career choice in entertainment because I'm fascinated by the industry. I also know there is no other option than LA for me. I just want this move to be permanent this time around and finances are not in my favor. I finally made a budget. Ok, so it's not completely finished but it does give me a starting point. All the choices I am now making have everything to do with being back in CA by year's end. I've missed it since I've left and I have a million people telling me they'll help. I just have to reach out and accept that. Contact the people they know. Perhaps crash on someone's couch for a while. Most importantly, just get out there and do my thing. I've never felt more at home than in CA. The beach, the atmosphere, the restaurants, the people, the dream. I can't wait to see my friends again. And I look forward to all the new adventures awaiting me.

Joey and i are going to drive out in the next month and decide on places we'd like to find an apartment. All I know is, Canoga Park is definitely OFF the list.

I have more to share from the weekend, but it's mostly written in my journal and I don't want to wake Joey by going to get it. Choices. Yep, I have a lot to make to make sure I'm living the life that I want. I've taken steps towards my career in AZ. For that I am very proud. Next step, moving back to CA. The possibilities are endless.

BEST Wimbledon match ever...

WOW. As much as I miss watching Sampras play, this was about the best tennis match I've ever seen. The longest Wimbledon match in history. And I'm so excited Nadal won. Man I can't wait to watch Wimbledon in person someday. I've never seen two players play for so long and look so energized instead of tired. Serioulsy, wow. What a match!

Who knew...

I've never been called a b*tch before as a form of endearment. That all changed with Alison, Joey's mom. I must admit I'm kinda good with Wii bowling. No one wants to play me. Well, Alison decided to take on the challenge and proceeded to call me a bitch with each strike. Then made me smile when she gave me a hug and kiss and said, "you know I'm kidding, right?" I've been accepted :) She and I have always gotten along, since the first time I met her Christmas Eve of 2006. I remember the approval I'd gotten within seconds. She stood up, walked over to Joey's ear, the one not next to me, and said I was a keeper. I'm happy that time hasn't changed her opinion. I think the reason I fell instantly in love with her is she reminds me so much of my own mom. And I guess we'll see soon enough how they get along with the families meeting in a week. Surprisingly, I'm not nervous at all. I'm more excited than anything else. I just hope my mom feels comfortable so she can show her true personality instead of being quiet, given it's gonna be a group of about twenty.

I'm also relieved because Ryan and I had a heart to heart last night. I had vibes last year that he didn't like me and apparently I wasn't wrong. So I was a bit terrified to see him again. Everything worked itself out. We talked a lot and I feel really good about the situation now.

Three months today and counting. :) Though it's truly flown by because it doesn't feel that long. Feels like a day's gone by since we became friends again and realized that just a friendship between us doesn't work. And man am I happy about that!

Today is also Angela's birthday. She's having a murder mystery party. I'm excited since this is the first that I'll ever have attended. I'm really gonna miss her when she and Granger move to CO. I feel like we're finally back on track with hanging out more often only to realize that will soon end. Oh well, must stay positive and enjoy the time we have left...that is, until the four of us are in LA together! She and Granger got us hooked on the best boardgame EVER...it's called Catan. Yay, she and I have finally gotten the double dates we'd always talked about in college. It's rare that we both have fantastic men in our lives at the same time...I'm happy it finally happened...and they're both here to stay!

What else...Sadie has her next vet appt tomorrow mornin. More x-rays to find out how much the stones have disintegrated. I'm just ready for her to be herself again. She's getting there, thankfully. It's just taking longer than I'd like. We took some cute pics with her on the 4th...will have to post on here once Joey sends them to me.

I smoked my first cigar on the 4th. Ok, had a few puffs because it's not my thing. Everytime I decided to take another puff, I had to practice the motion of taking it in without inhaling. Joey was laughing but it just doesn't come naturally to me :) Hmm, gonna try one at some point that's not as tobacco-y...yes, that's a word. Or at least it is in my dictionary.

Ok, gonna go finish watching Wimbledon and reading a book before I must get ready to play in costume. More updates as they come along...

9 years :(

Man, I know this day is supposed to get easier with time...but this year it kinda snuck up on me and I can't believe it's been nine years since my grandma passed away. I miss her dearly. With each passing year, I fear that I remember her less. That makes the situation even harder.

I didn't sleep much last night. Couldn't fall asleep. I was upset about something else and then the date dawned on me and I knew I'd be lucky to get a few hours in. It's going to be a long day traveling properties and Malee's tonight.

Guess I better go get started.

I'll light a candle for her tonight.

Sadie is getting better :)

I'm so excited and relieved...that is all.

Italy

So, today was supposed to be my last day of work for 10 days. Yep, tomorrow at the butt crack of dawn, I was supposed to be aboard an airplane to take me to the number one country on my list of "must visit." However, INS sucks and have yet to send Jana her citizenship papers she'd lost; so instead, we will be covering the office while everyone else is drinking the wine that does NOT give you a hangover (no sulfites.) Anyway, it was hard being at work today. The morning wasn't so bad...then everyone started saying goodbye and telling us how much they'll miss us and the tears came. I got a lump in my throat when they gave us each an hour massage because they wanted to thank us in some way. It'll be a weird week at work.

Ok, so that was depressing and I'm feeling better...we went and had drinks and sushi after work. But what made me smile the most was remembering last night...and what a wonderful man I have in my life. He got major kudos from all of my coworkers when I told the story of one of the sweetest romantic gestures anyone has ever done. I even had coworkers say, "so men from romantic movies really do exist."

First, we went and celebrated Jon's birthday with some dinner and a movie. Then we get home and Joey goes upstairs and gets a hat and blazer on and starts acting like a flight attendant. He takes me on a trip in a plane (ok, it was a chair in the middle of a room)...but it may as well have been a real one. I was treated with in-flight entertainment, turbulance (joey shaking the chair) and couldn't stop giggling. One of the movies was a perfect enactment of a cat trying to wake up his owner for some cuddling. Anyway, funnier if you actually saw the video. Next, we get to our destination, I walk to our room, open the door...only to step into my own Italy. Candlelit, Italian music in the background, a poster of Venice with pics of us in the Gondola (sp?)...and then the date that will be, with everything Italy...pasta, breadsticks, Italian Soda, wine, chocolate, Italian beer and Tiramisu dessert. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was honestly the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me and it really helped with the situation. I know my first experience of really seeing Italy will now be with Joey...and I very much look forward to it...but until then, I'll take Joey's version of Italy and treasure it. Wow, do I have a keeper or what?! :)

Total side note...I bought Sadie a different version of her presciption food today and she loves it...so excited, I was worried for a while with the weight she's lost since her bladder stones became an issue.

Today has had its ups and downs...but when all is said and done, I know everything happens for a reason. Not to mention, I got a small taste of Italy from the sweetest man.

Feeling like myself again...

The last couple days have been hard. The realization that we don't get to go to Italy in 8 days has made me more sad than I care to admit. Sadie has two giant sized kidney stones that would be large by human standards, much less a ten pound dog. The little money I had saved has now gone completely out the window and sometimes I wonder if LA in January is possible. Yep, it's been a bit stressful.

And then, I realize how wonderful life is. I have the most amazing person by my side, through even my dark times, telling me everything will be ok. Thankfully those dark times are few, but it never hurts to know there is so much love and support when it's needed. We had a heart to heart yesterday. And though a lot of stuff was still left unanswered in my head, the talk made me realize not everything needs a definite black and white...a lot of things in life are shades of gray. Not to mention, one thing that got answered was hard to take...but that's only because I knew how much truth was behind the statement. And though the truth hurts to hear sometimes, it's refreshing to know that we can have any conversation and come away smiling.

As much as it scares me that I've found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, I sit back and smile realizing not many people get to experience that. To know, that everyday when they wake up, they are waking up next to their best friend. I look forward to all of our firsts...and the must "to do" list that we have yet to actual create.

In hard times, its rare that I depend on anyone but my immediate family. And then I realized that Joey is that for me. And I am grateful everyday that he is a part of my life...the part that makes me shine brighter and has me laughing constantly.

I know this is a sappy entry...but I'm not going to apologize...I want to scream out to the world I AM IN LOVE and can only wish the same happiness on everyone around me. Because there truly is no bigger high in this world. To know that you're walking hand in hand with someone, on a path that leads to who knows where...and every moment you're in this together.

Yep, I'm out of my gloom. It'll be hard not being in Italy for ten days in the coming weeks...but Joey did promise me a trip by the end of the year (I'm holding you to it babe!) Now I just gotta send happy thoughts to my pup and hope the money I'm spending will help her. Oh, and strange coincidence...the day I was so stressed about money, I got a call from an agent that I was pursuing 8 months ago...interested in taking me on. Yep, I'd say that's a sign of more great news to come.