racketball

I just got beat...BAD! But I also have not played in a long time and look forward to getting better with regular practice. I'd forgotten just how much fun and what a great workout the sport it. Joey was definitely going easy on me...but I think if I got better at controlling my aim, I could beat him at some point. He told me I had great strength behind my shots...right now I'm just inconsistent not to mention my reflexes seem a little slow. If that was my workout daily, I would be excited to go to the gym regularly. Though I will admit, the gym is getting to be more fun, rather than just a chore. I think it's because i'm seeing improvement and there's really no better motivation than toning up, losing weight...basically seeing the fruits of your labor.

Dave is tomorrow. I'm beyond excited. Though I wish i'd won tickets :( Because then Joey would join, no matter how much he wasn't looking forward to it. I'm also wondering how different the concert will be from the last two years I've gone since a vital part of the 5-man band passed away earlier this week. Major sadness. I wonder how it will affect the band going forward. I guess only time will tell.

Must go eat some dinner...about to get cranky from lack of calories...

my own personal pity party...

what is my issue today? am I just tired? hormonal? why do I have a big lump in my throat that I feel will burst and spring a waterfall of tears any moment? I thought I was fine and then the whole way home I cried. why is that? I know I'm bored with and can't stand my job anymore. thank goodness it is temporary but it's getting harder to get up for work everyday. I know I should be grateful because it's paying the bills...but even that is a hard perspective to keep anymore. I know I've become bored since I screw around more than I work, at least it seems to be the case. I love all these people because they're like my second family...it will be hard not seeing them daily in a month, but man I am done. I don't even know what I'm doing next...but it can't be an office, 9-5 job. I just can't do it anymore. I don't have the patience. what else is on my mind? something just seems off. I've been ridiculously happy for months now and something about today just isn't fitting into that puzzle. and now I've got all kinds of fears popping into my head. I need to stop thinking. I gotta go turn on a movie and just pass out and hope I wake up in a better mood tomorrow. After all, I do have a three day weekend this week and Dave is on Saturday night. Why is it that I'm surrounded by so many people that love me, have the love of my life by my side...and tonight I feel completely alone. Weird. Ok, done blogging...at least on here. goodnight.

LeRoi Moore 1961-2008

Sadness when I received Jay's text last night...the saxophonist from DMB died from complications from an ATV accident he had back in June. Dave will not be the same without this extremely talented musician. I can't say much because I'm at work and don't want to get caught this early "not working," but I had to say that I'm truly saddened by the loss of one amazing musician.

I Lose :(

So, I passed out yesterday in front of my tv at 8:30pm...found my way to my own bed at 11:30pm...and completely forgot about my blog. Sadness. Not necessarily because I lost period...honestly, being a slave to my man for a day not the worst that could happen...but it's the fact that I lost so soon. I honestly told myself that this was gonna go on for months before either of us had something more important to do, say sleep, that would bring about victory for one individual and utter failure for the other. Dammit, my failure came sooner than expected. Oh well, I plan to continue this new found need to write a little something everyday...no matter how trivial.

Nothing much happened today...couldn't force myself out of bed because although I had A LOT of sleep, it wasn't restful since I passed out and then forced myself up to go to my room. I hit my snooze starting at 5:30am...and didn't stop til 7:15. Oh well. I don't know where I would be without my snooze button.

I've gone to the gym 2 days in a row...and didn't want to go either day so things are looking up in terms of my commitment. When I called in to 96.9 today to win tickets, I was caller 22 the first time and 20 the next. You need to be 25. Another dammit. I really want those Dave tickets without having to pay for them...which I'm more than willing to do but in my current financial state, would rather not. We'll see...I have three more days of trying. Wish me luck. I must go juice for me and my love. Goodnight everyone...cross your fingers for my Dave tix!

Books on Tape

My first book on tape...So I've started listening to "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert on my iPod. Her voice is very soothing and I'm loving it so far. But I don't believe I'm going to get as much out of it as when I read the book and highlighted/underlined words/passages that meant something to me at the time. Currently, a friend has my book borrowed and i look forward to getting it back just to see what things struck out at me at the moment in time when I read that book the first time. It's always amazing to me how different words affect me differently in books, inspire me in different ways, depending on the moment in time, the snapshot of my life, in which that particular book was read. For instance, each time I've read Siddhartha, which I'd count upwards of about 10, every experience of the book was new.

i had first leant my copy of "Eat, Pray, Love" to my acting coach when I was done. She had told me that certain things I had marked in one way or another made sense to her, while others she could not understand. I'm sure even when I go back to see what ideas struck me in my first read through (mind you, when I say first read through...I read over things that touched me several times), I may not understand certain highlighted portions either. A lot has changed since I first picked up the book. For anyone who has yet to read this incredible book, I highly recommend it. Not since Siddhartha has a book spoken to me in much the same way. I also love Tolle's 'finding your life's purpose," but it's not as easily readable as the first two I mention. I'm looking forward to see what ideas move me in hearing Elizabeth Gilbert read her words aloud herself.

I got even more excited about the book because we talked about living abroad tonight. I've always known that at some point I'd love to move back to Czech to get to know the country as an adult, and not just the few memories I have of my childhood. I want to experience it all again. Not to mention, the Czech economy is spectacular right now...I believe my ticket in will be teaching English. i want to have an experience like Gilbert's...spend time outside this country and just travel every so often and stay months in a country unknown and get to know it intimately. I love the discovery process into the little quirks that are unique to every place I visit. It's hard to get that in days, rather than the months I'd love to have for exploration. First things first...acting career that makes the above a little easier. Must go get some zzz's...goodnight.

AMAZING!!!...

Ok, she did it...she made me realize my assumptions of not having a good time were wrong and I've never been more moved by a performer live. She's somewhere in the neighborhood of 4' 11" and has the most powerful voice that you will ever hear. She sang many songs we recognized off of her albums as well as Journey's "Don't Stop Believin," Pat Benatar's hit (wow, the name just escaped me) and a few others. I said I would never have paid for tickets to a Martina McBride concert and I have completely changed my mind. I love her now more than ever before and I look forward to seeing her live again. She moved Jana to complete tears during her song "Concrete Angel." And then the most adorable thing happened, during her song "This Ones For the Girls," she brought her daughter Ava on stage and the daughter wasn't even fazed...she could not have been more than 3-4. The one thing I would love to know is what her beauty secret it. She's so freakin beautiful and the most amazing skin I've ever seen. She barely has any wrinkles and yet they are faintly there so you know it's not botox. Whatever it is, I want some!

Ok, I'm gonna go for a quick swim before Joey comes back from his only session today. I will write more later...I just wanted to say that I was completely wrong about the concert and I am so happy that I chose to go just to make sure. Jana and I had both wanted to back out...I'm glad neither one of us voiced it out loud until we were there and there was no going back...because we both would have been dumb.

Not to mention, Jack Ingram and the other opener (who's name has also escaped me) were great fun. I freakin LOVE the song "Love you" by Ingram.

Martina McBride

I'm going to the concert tonight. I'm not really excited because these tickets were given to us for free and I would never have gone otherwise. Perhaps it'll be more fun than I'm expecting and I'll be pleasantly surprised. There is also a dinner there for us that includes ribs...bleh. Jana's definitely excited about that part. I figured I'd get my blog out of the way in case I don't get a chance before midnight. I'm going strong, not gonna lose this battle of keyboard tapping that I have going on with Joey.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're housesitting and it'll be great having a place to ourselves for a few days. I'm also looking forward to reading lots and hopefully finding out good ideas for "survival jobs," the book I'm reading for ideas in LA. We're going out to look for places Sept. 18th and I know I'll feel better if I get out there with a job. Can't wait to see Allie...it's been almost 8 months since I've visited LA and that's completely unacceptable. This has been the longest stretch since I've moved back. I'm ready for some beach time...not to mention just getting away on a road trip.

BTW - almost got through to "press my concert luck" again...was caller 17 and then I hung up and got through again on the next try but they didn't pick up so they must have had their winner...I have a good feeling about winning Dave tix! I have a week left to try.

Pearl...and oh yeah, I'm 35

Tried a new sushi restaurant today...it was decent and they have a good happy hour. I think from 4-5 it's 50% off, 5-6 40% and 6-7 30%. The place was small and cute...not to mention we ran into the hostess from Blue Wasabi DC Ranch...which had closed down a long time ago and we hadn't seen her since then. She seemed to remember Jana well enough since she always knew when a new round of drinks was in order. I had a glass of Pinot. It was good..though honestly it smelled better than it had tasted. i've always wanted to do the Kevin Kline experiment from French Kiss where he had Meg Ryan sip some wine...then he had her smell things in bottles that had consisted of the things that grew around the vineyard where the grapes were grown...and after she'd smelled the bottles, she tasted specific things in her wine when she tried another sip. Anyway, this is kind of a blah blog...i just have to get something down and want to go to sleep. The name of the sushi place is Pearl...it's off of Drinkwater and 3rd Ave in South Scottsdale. Check it out...if nothing else, there are pictures of naked women dressed in nothing but pearls :)

Also, tried the Wii Fit for the first time tonight. Alison brought it over and to my surprise, the game told me my age was 35 based on my ability to balance. Fuck! I was older than Joey by 2 years...I gotta work on this. I can definitely see how the game is addictive. I've gotten really good at hitting soccer balls with my head and hula hooping...haven't tried much else.

Ok, must say goodnight...sorry for the boring post to any readers...I'll try to do better tomorrow.

Concert Press Your Luck

Damn, so I just got through to Mix 96.9 to try my luck at winning concert tickets to Dave on the 23rd. I've always had fairly good luck in getting through to radio stations for contests, so I should stop being so surprised when I hear the phone ringing instead of a busy dial tone. Nevertheless, I was excited.

I had one goal in mind...must get Dave tickets. It didn't matter to me what else I won because I was going to continue the game and hope the Whammies would stay away long enough for me to get the pair of tickets I wanted so badly. Their game is basically the old gameshow "Press Your Luck," except with tickets instead of vacations and large piles of money. Instead, I won Counting Crows/Maroon 5, Melissa Etheridge, Switchfoot, Santana and Journey. Mind you, I said I was going forward no matter what because there's only one pair of tickets I cared about. Well, on my sixth try...the Whammy hit. Dammit. I hadn't even thought of walking away with the tickets I'd won to sell them for enough money for Dave.

I'm determined, I will win by the concert (I know I'll buy tickets if it comes down to it but I'm hoping that won't be necessary). So, wish me luck...and keep the Whammies away. OH, and let me get through as the 25th caller again...that's kinda the most important part.

Hmm, a little sad...but I shall persevere!!!

Sunsets

I was on an hour and a half walk with my sister in the midst of one of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen in a while. I wish I wasn't lazy so that I'd post a picture of one of my favorite sunsets to date...will try to do so tomorrow. Not only does Tucson have phenomenal monsoons, the sunsets there are out of this world. I remember everything about the sunset I went to watch alone at Gate's Pass. I had Meggo's car because I had dropped her off at the airport and decided I needed some time in nature. So I set off on my adventure...I call it an adventure because I'm pretty sure I still didn't have a license at this point and had not been driving long. Not my smartest idea, but hey...the sunset I witnessed was worth the possibility of serious consequences. I must have taken at least 50 pictures with my brand new camera. I was never crazy about that camera so the pictures don't even do it justice...but at that very moment, I'd never felt more at peace and in complete awe of the world that surrounded me. I stayed there in complete silence for over 2 hours. I was mesmerized. I wrote in my journal but mostly I just sat there, watching as the sun slowly turned the sky shades of pinks and purples and oranges until it faded behind a mountain. I couldn't move for a while, and then the part of nature that drives me crazy made me realize I had tasty blood and would be eaten alive if I didn't move it along...what can I say, mosquitos love me.

Anyway, tonight's sunset reminded me of that calm. Of the beauty that so many take for granted. I'm thankful that I'm not that person. I treasure and am eternally grateful for such moments. Now I can go to sleep and hope my dreams can paint just as breathtaking a picture.